Read the Script!
by Tickle2Kill
Summary: This is the movie...just slightly altered. Blame the writers! It is entirely their fault! Reviews welcome!
1. Clifford

"I wasn't the one driving!"

"But you were the one who pulled the wheel, you maniac. Did you hit Donald, too? Is that why he left?"

Eric stepped between the fuming women and raised his hands. "Look, just calm down. There's a man on the ground over there."

Darcy broke eye contact first and looked to the guy. "Think he's alright?"

Jane shrugged nervously. "I...I don't know."

Darcy sighed and kneeled by the strange hobo, yanking his eyelids up and lifting his lips to see his teeth.

"Well, he's not dead."

Suddenly the man jolted upward and stumbled back away from them. He glanced at them confused.

"I thought _she_ was supposed to be there when I woke." He pointed a meaty finger at Jane and Darcy huffed.

"Dude, didn't you read the script? I'm your new love interest."

Jane's eyes widened and she covered her mouth from a laugh. "Oh. My. God."

* * *

><p>"Thor Odinson...I name you...Frost Giants."<p>

Thor's forehead creased and he stared at his father in confusion. _Did he just...?_

Frigga stepped forward and whispered something in her husband's ear. The old man's bearded face grew more wrinkled as he smacked his fist into the throne.

"I'm not revealing that yet! Good Valhalla, woman, there are Frost Giants in the armory!"

"And what stopped you from elaborating that fact?" Frigga asked him sharply. Odin shook his head and stood, charging down the center aisle with _Gungnir _at the ready.

"_Read the script, woman!_" he called back to his wife as he left the gathered Asgardians in the audience chamber.

Thor and Loki both ran to their father's side as he rushed off down the halls, neither one asking what their father was speaking of.

* * *

><p>The bodies of the Asgardians were frozen, the Frost Giants crisped and the armory was intact.<p>

Loki came forward angrily as Odin touched the Casket of Ancient Winters. "This deserves our fury. We should come down on the Jotuns like a storm. Teach them to know when they are defeated. This means war."

Thor glanced over oddly and Odin peeked over his shoulder. "I...I thought...never mind."

"Calm yourself, brother. We must think this through." Thor lifted a hand to his brother and Loki sneered.

"This is the time for action not for thoughts. We must reassert our power over Jotunheim. Now."

Odin stepped away from the casket and turned to his boys. "This isn't right. Are you sure this is how it goes?"

Both of the sons nodded. "Didn't you read the script, Father?"

* * *

><p>"I need a horse!"<p>

The pet shop clerk frowned, scratching his neck in confusion. "Uh, we don't have those here. We've got cats, dogs, and birds, though."

"Well, then give me one of those big enough to ride."

The clerk raised his eyebrows but turned and entered the back. The sound of a lock being undone echoed out and there was an enormous bark. A commotion began outside and Thor was drawn to it. He exited the same way he had entered and the sounds of the animals within quieted with the jingling of a bell.

There was another bark and Thor hurried to see what could have caused it.

Standing at least ten feet tall, with fur as red as a rose, was a dog. Thor's eyes widened beyond measure and he stared at the thing in awe. Surely this could not be native to Midgard?

The pet shop clerk stood beneath the behemoth and was holding a leash that appeared more like reins. "His name's Clifford. He's pretty docile but he doesn't know his own strength. He's about a month old now."

Thor met Clifford's eyes and frowned. "This...this isn't how it went."

The clerk handed him the reins and smiled. "Hey, guy, didn't you read the script?"

* * *

><p>AN: This may be multi-chaptered, depending on feedback and if I can twist enough scenes that I remember. I've only seen it twice, so not everything is word for word, but I remember the scenes well enough. Hope you enjoyed! **_Tickle2Kill_**


	2. Excelsior

Thor was fighting the Frost Giants around him and everyone else was trying to retreat with the wounded Fandral.

"We _must _go!" Loki yelled at his brother, but Thor just laughed and waved him off.

"Then go!"

Laufey watched this all with interest, lifting his hand, making a crack carve its way up the ice packed in around them. No one noticed the giant creature breaking out of its incased space until it shook its head and roared.

"I was having such a good dream!"

Everyone, even the Frost Giants paused, staring up at the red-orange eyes frowning at them. Laufey stepped back and blinked. "What?"

"What in all Jotunheim was important enough to wake me up?" it gazed over the two men carrying a third between them, the woman, the dark-haired one, and the blond-haired one. "Those mosquitoes? Honestly? Laufey..." the creature pursed its lips. "I thought your mother taught you better. Wimping out to these Asgardians...get your own blue butt down there and fight."

"I can't...its better that lower level Jotuns fight...I can appear..."

"Do you honestly think I care how you look? I can't believe you." shaking its head in annoyance, the thing shifted back into its space and closed its eyes. "Now shut up! I'm _trying_ to sleep!"

Thor's arm fell to his side and he looked back at Loki. "Was this in the script?"

Loki shrugged, "I really just don't know, but most likely. If it hits you as odd, its probably there."

* * *

><p>"What's his name?"<p>

"Um, he said it was...Thor?" Jane's face scrunched as she wrestled with the thought.

"T...H...O...R." the nurse spelled out, then paused. "Whoa-whoa-whoa...what? Thor? No, seriously?"

The astrophysicist, the politcal science major, and the doctor all looked at her curiously. Eric nodded. "Yes. Is there anything else you need?"

"Sir, you're saying there's a Norse God in my area? Freakin' awesome!" and she took off, leaping out of her chair, tossing her legs over the nurse's station and sprinting down the hall.

Darcy giggled, "I'm...going to go fix this situation." she turned to go and Eric stopped her.

"What do you mean, 'fix this situation'?"

She sighed and dug out her tazer. "I'm his new love interest, remember? My man's half-naked in there. I've got to protect my goods! Doesn't anyone read the script?"

Darcy took off after the nurse, tazer at the ready. Just when Jane went to comment, they heard a muffled scream and a maniacal laugh.

* * *

><p>In a hospital room in New Mexico, a handful of nurses and doctors stood around a tall, blond man. They all had gloves on their hands and placating faces, their lips pursed in an attempt to quell the urge to laugh.<p>

"Look, sir, we're just going to take your blood. It's standard procedure." the nearest doctor said, trying to ease the weeping man.

"But I'm _afraid_ of needles!" His blue eyes looked upward and he curled further into the corner and he whined. "Heimdall! This isn't funny! Open the Bifrost! _Please!_"

"I'm going to distract him, you hit him with it." a doctor muttered and stepped forward.

"I...I can't..." one of the nurses said and she burst out laughing.

"_Heimdall!"_ the man whined louder, his long, muscled frame curling awkwardly into the corner as he batted away the gloved nurses.

"This..." the nurse turned away and tears were in her eyes. "This was _so _not in the script I read!"

* * *

><p>"Do it, man!" The guy yelled and the truck peeled forward until it hit the end of the chain. After a second or so of pulling and tugging, the hammer flew out of the ground and into the truck.<p>

The cheers went silent and the people all stood around in complete silence. Every face was a mask of utter confusion. A few of the crowd stepped out and forward, looking at the glorious hammer in the back of the plain white truck.

"Dude," someone said, whistling, shifting his trucker's cap on his balding head. "how on earth...?"

Poking his head out of the cab of the truck, Stan Lee smiled wide. "Excelsior, bitches!"

Before anyone could make a sound, he put the truck in gear and zoomed away.

The man in the trucker's cap swigged his Budweiser and laughed. "Man, I need to read the script again!"

* * *

><p>AN: I'd like to thank everyone for the alerts and the favorites. Also, thank you to _**Evangeline Flame**_ for the review. Hope you like this one as well. Possibly more to come! *crossing fingers* **_Tickle2Kill_**


End file.
